07 November 2008

A Plan in Motion

So, if for no other reason than that I don't have anything to do now that the election is over, I decided to find this mystery woman.  But how?  Well, according to my friends, you start in the same place you always start whenever you are looking for something...craigslist.  So, I posted an ad in the lost and found section.  But...if you're looking for something big, like a person big, you need more than CL.  What you really need is Oprah or Ellen.  Those two can find anything...or anyone.  So, I sent them each a note too.  With something this big, you really have to cover all your bases and any search involving Oprah must cover all the bases, right?

05 November 2008

A new day

Last night was a momentous night.  It was historical.  It was absolutely unbelievable.  Today is a new day for our country...and for me.  

Not only did we vote for Barack Obama as the 44th president of the United States yesterday, but around that same time I learned that somewhere in this country, some lady is walking around posing as me.

Yes, that's her right up there.  Standing there enjoying Obama's success just like I would have had I actually been in Grant Park last night.  Perhaps her smirk is due to the realization that hundreds...ok tens of people were confusing her for me or perhaps she was happy about the fact that our world took a historic step forward...hard to tell.  And, apparently, it wasn't enough that she spread our image all over CNN, she also posed as me on MSNBC too (if I hear anything about FOX, she's gonna get it).

I have to tell you that I'm pretty sure that's not me.  The last I checked, I was eating pizza and watching election results at my friend's house. So, unless I have unwittingly figured out how to be in two places at once, I can safely conclude that the woman in that picture is not actually me.  

In order to identify this lady who has stolen my face (and, apparently, my glasses), I need your help.  All information about the identity and whereabouts of this woman will be greatly appreciated, but not rewarded (greatly or otherwise).  I thank you.

11 July 2007


According to CNN, the word "ginormous" was just added to the new edition of the Merriam-Webster collegiate dictionary. Normally, I would applaud such a decision, but I have to admit that this particular one came as quite a shock to me. I mean seriously, ginormous wasn't a word before now? AND no one ever corrected me when I used it (and I used it a lot). I mean, sure, we all knew "crunk" was made up and "smackdown" was a stupid fake wrestling thing, but "ginormous"? That's a whole nother story. This is absolutely ridonkulous.

20 February 2007

If you're gonna dance, dance it right

Apparently, the man best known for his "invention," the electric slide is pissed and on the prowl. Ric Silver, inventor of the Electric Slide to the extent that you can invent a cheesy line dance that is similar to several other cheesy line dances, says that the dance is actually a 22 step dance, however, recently while visiting several bar mitzvahs and weddings (probably as a spy) he noticed that most people were only doing 18 steps! I know, it sounds crazy, but NPR has never lied to me before. Anyway, this guy is UP-SET and ready to sue. So, if you're at an awkward social event where group dancing is encouraged, remember, it's:
  • 1-4 Grapevine right (tap and clap on 4)
  • 5-8 Grapevine left (tap and clap on 8)
  • 9-12 Walks back (tap and clap on 12)
  • 13-16 Rock forward & back:
    • 13: Left forward
    • 14: Tap right toe at the left heel, clap
    • 15: Right backward
    • 16: Tap left toe at the right heel, snap
  • 17-20 Repeat 13-16
  • 21 Left forward with 1/4 turn left
  • 22 Hop onto left foot

04 December 2006

It ain't over 'til I say it's over

I was walking down the street this morning when I passed a small scrap of paper. On it someone had scribbled:

Dear Damion - I'm sorry. Our relationship is not over.

Hmmm. Now I can't help but wonder if this is a note from someone who is trying to stop a break-up already in progress? Can you even do that? Do other people know this is an option? Maybe it's not and the note failed miserably, hence its new home on the sidewalk. But...maybe Bonnie Raitt was wrong and with a short to-the-point note, I can make you love me.

Watch out boys!

31 March 2006

In God We Trust

Recently, I was in DC for a conference (because there weren't already enough lawyers in DC). On my way to the airport my taxi driver, clearly a devout Christian, was struggling with a personal dilemma. He was torn between concentrating on his driving and concentrating on his pocket bible. The bible won out. I wasn't sure how to feel about this. I quickly read the taxicab passengers' list of rights conveniently posted on the back of the passenger seat, but having a driver who was not reading the bible while driving was not listed...I could, however, have all the air conditioning I wanted, thank God. I mean, sure reading while driving is dangerous, but is it less dangerous if you're reading the book of God. How can He really punish you for that. Lucky for me, we never found out. After swerving into the other lane once and toward a cement wall once, he stopped reading and I said Amen.

06 December 2005

The Matinee

Last weekend, a friend and I decided to see the 1:35 showing of Walk the Line (we actually went to see the 1:30 showing of Rent, but since that played at 12:30, we were kinda stuck). Apparently, the cheaper ticket price attracts many different kinds of people (they had one thing in common in that they were all crazy people who spoke loudly). Reflecting on the experience, I just cannot decide who was the craziest. It was certainly not the woman who made it clear that she was not a fan of Johnny Cash when she stood up about 30 minutes into the movie and yelled, "this movie sucks" before storming out. I'm also pretty sure it wasn't the guy who liked to give a loud running commentary (My favorite was when he actually yelled "busted" when Johnny Cash was caught doing something.).

It may actually be a three-way tie between the crazy guy who had a conversation with his buddy throughout the entire movie (unfortunately, his buddy was sitting all the way across the theater), the guy in the wheel chair who decided, upon returning from the bathroom, to pass up his old seat (wisely located in the wheelchair section) and go off-roading down the stairs (luckily for us all, this was not a quiet process. Each time he went down a step he yelled, "I just went down another step." There were at least 6-7 steps.), or the lady who let us all know (loudly) that it was time for her to go to the bathroom.

The movie was good, but the audience was awesome.