The Mind of the Fifth Grader

Today I spoke to a classroom of excited fifth graders about being a lawyer. I had an entire presentation planned, but two minutes in, after my spiel on my name and background, a hand shot into the air. "Have you ever been on television?" "Are you R, Kelly's lawyer? Michael Jackson? Our teacher's" "What happens if when you swear to tell the truth you cross your fingers behind your back?" What if you tell on your friends in court, can they kill you?" I had not anticipated this level of student involvement. Questions ranged from the mundane "how old were you when you became a lawyer" to the weird "what steps does a person have to take to get emancipated," to the downright scary, "how long would a person have to go to jail for stabbing someone if they already had two strikes...just wondering." Before I knew it, my hour was up and I walked away sure of only one thing, I had not taught those kids a damn thing about being a lawyer.

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Office Crime Blotter II

Well, the office hoodlum has struck again. Mr. or Ms. Hoodlum, you might think you're sneaky spacing out your crimes several months apart, but I, my friend, am on to you...and so is Frank K, the victim. Today Frank entered his office only to find that approximately five dollars in quarters had been removed from his quarter cup. We have not had a chance to dust for fingerprints and Frank has not yet ruined the crime scene, so a full investigation will take place. In the meantime, someone is running around with enough quarters to do laundry for a week...or at least once this week. If you see anyone with extremely clean clothing and a jingle in their pocket, please let me know.