The Matinee
Last weekend, a friend and I decided to see the 1:35 showing of Walk the Line (we actually went to see the 1:30 showing of Rent, but since that played at 12:30, we were kinda stuck). Apparently, the cheaper ticket price attracts many different kinds of people (they had one thing in common in that they were all crazy people who spoke loudly). Reflecting on the experience, I just cannot decide who was the craziest. It was certainly not the woman who made it clear that she was not a fan of Johnny Cash when she stood up about 30 minutes into the movie and yelled, "this movie sucks" before storming out. I'm also pretty sure it wasn't the guy who liked to give a loud running commentary (My favorite was when he actually yelled "busted" when Johnny Cash was caught doing something.).
It may actually be a three-way tie between the crazy guy who had a conversation with his buddy throughout the entire movie (unfortunately, his buddy was sitting all the way across the theater), the guy in the wheel chair who decided, upon returning from the bathroom, to pass up his old seat (wisely located in the wheelchair section) and go off-roading down the stairs (luckily for us all, this was not a quiet process. Each time he went down a step he yelled, "I just went down another step." There were at least 6-7 steps.), or the lady who let us all know (loudly) that it was time for her to go to the bathroom.
The movie was good, but the audience was awesome.
06 December 2005
28 November 2005
Stars are just like us
Every week I pull out my US Weekly magazine and read about the things celebrities are doing that are just like the things that I am doing. Stars apparently eat ice cream cones, and drink Starbucks, and walk their expensive dogs, and yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, I'm a little cynical. Sure I'd walk my dog if I had one, but probably not in a leather Louis Vuitton dog carrier.
The other day, however, I realized just how wrong I was. On the first leg of my return trip to San Francisco after Thanksgiving, I ran into a star just like me, Kanye West. Not only did he check in for his Delta flight using a kiosk (I actually talked with an agent this time, but I was right next to the kiosks) and order orange juice on-board (I actually had cranberry juice, but they're both juices), but he also used the on-board lavatory...and he took In Style magazine with him when he did (This last part makes him more like my dad, but you catch my drift).
Every week I pull out my US Weekly magazine and read about the things celebrities are doing that are just like the things that I am doing. Stars apparently eat ice cream cones, and drink Starbucks, and walk their expensive dogs, and yadda yadda yadda. Needless to say, I'm a little cynical. Sure I'd walk my dog if I had one, but probably not in a leather Louis Vuitton dog carrier.
The other day, however, I realized just how wrong I was. On the first leg of my return trip to San Francisco after Thanksgiving, I ran into a star just like me, Kanye West. Not only did he check in for his Delta flight using a kiosk (I actually talked with an agent this time, but I was right next to the kiosks) and order orange juice on-board (I actually had cranberry juice, but they're both juices), but he also used the on-board lavatory...and he took In Style magazine with him when he did (This last part makes him more like my dad, but you catch my drift).
11 November 2005
Times are a Changin'
I love my neighborhood. It's cute, my neighbors are friendly, and it provides me with lots of stories for my blog.
While taking a leisurely walk to Safeway the other morning, I ran into the man who walks his two dogs every day while drinking coffee and saying hello to everyone on the street. We've spoken before, once or twice, but never for too long. I could tell by the look in his eye that that was all about to change. He stopped me and asked me if I was working that day. No, I said, I am going away for the weekend. Where are you headed, he asked. Back east, I replied. Oh, is that where you're from, he inquired. No, I answered. There was a short pause and then he took the conversation somewhere somewhat unexpected.
The Man: I wouldn't be surprised. You have perfect English and a perfect attitude.
I wanted to add, "for a Black person" for him, but thought it might be rude and would tarnish that "perfect attitude" of mine.
Me: Thanks.
TM: It is interesting that it wasn't too long ago that Blacks and Whites couldn't marry...but when they did they had some beautiful children, like Halle Barry. Now, things are different
Me: (I wasn't sure if the "things are different" comment referred to the marriage thing or the beauty of mixed babies, but I thought it best to just go with it. I also wasn't sure if the perfect English comment and the mixed marriages comments were related, like perhaps I was the product of one of those mixed marriages having received my dark skin from one parent and my perfect English from another, but again, I thought I should just go with it.) Uh, yeah.
TM: Bye.
I know what you're thinking, "that's it?" I was thinking the same, but I guess it was. He had nothing more for me about race relations, mixed babies, or the nice way in which I spoke the English language. So, we just said goodbye and I made my way to Safeway.
I love my neighborhood. It's cute, my neighbors are friendly, and it provides me with lots of stories for my blog.
While taking a leisurely walk to Safeway the other morning, I ran into the man who walks his two dogs every day while drinking coffee and saying hello to everyone on the street. We've spoken before, once or twice, but never for too long. I could tell by the look in his eye that that was all about to change. He stopped me and asked me if I was working that day. No, I said, I am going away for the weekend. Where are you headed, he asked. Back east, I replied. Oh, is that where you're from, he inquired. No, I answered. There was a short pause and then he took the conversation somewhere somewhat unexpected.
The Man: I wouldn't be surprised. You have perfect English and a perfect attitude.
I wanted to add, "for a Black person" for him, but thought it might be rude and would tarnish that "perfect attitude" of mine.
Me: Thanks.
TM: It is interesting that it wasn't too long ago that Blacks and Whites couldn't marry...but when they did they had some beautiful children, like Halle Barry. Now, things are different
Me: (I wasn't sure if the "things are different" comment referred to the marriage thing or the beauty of mixed babies, but I thought it best to just go with it. I also wasn't sure if the perfect English comment and the mixed marriages comments were related, like perhaps I was the product of one of those mixed marriages having received my dark skin from one parent and my perfect English from another, but again, I thought I should just go with it.) Uh, yeah.
TM: Bye.
I know what you're thinking, "that's it?" I was thinking the same, but I guess it was. He had nothing more for me about race relations, mixed babies, or the nice way in which I spoke the English language. So, we just said goodbye and I made my way to Safeway.
08 November 2005
Special Election '05
I voted today in one of California's wonderfully expensive and incredibly stupid special elections. I love to vote. This year, I was there with my cute neighbor Mary. Mary is a little older and had a lot of questions about the voting process and the election itself (Why don't we have to show ID? Good question, Mary.). At one point, she asked where the presidential section was because she didn't see Arnold's name anywhere. After everyone explained that there wasn't a presidential election this year, she said, "Oh well, I'll just vote for him next year."
I voted today in one of California's wonderfully expensive and incredibly stupid special elections. I love to vote. This year, I was there with my cute neighbor Mary. Mary is a little older and had a lot of questions about the voting process and the election itself (Why don't we have to show ID? Good question, Mary.). At one point, she asked where the presidential section was because she didn't see Arnold's name anywhere. After everyone explained that there wasn't a presidential election this year, she said, "Oh well, I'll just vote for him next year."
07 November 2005
Lazy Ass
I'm constantly amazed at how lazy people are. Recently, however, I've realized that there are two kinds of lazy people. The first is the group who acknowledges their laziness, stops exercising, and lies on the couch all day. The second group, and the ones who really get me, are the ones who think they can get in shape while lying on the couch all day. I can't blame them for coming up with this idea on their own.
I saw an infomercial the other day discussing how excercising would be so much better if you didn't really have to do anything. An interesting concept indeed, but can it work? I decided to research one of these miracle machines, the abtronic (my favorite because it requires the least amount of work by the user). The commercial claims that if you strap it on for 10 minutes your body will feel like it's done 600 situps (this of course begs the question why you really need to do 600 situps, but whatever). Upon first hearing this absurd claim, I thought, "I would be shocked if this works"...I got the shocked part right. According to several reports in the US and Canada, those who have tried this machine have not only failed to obtain a noticeable 6-pack like the people on the commercial (a surprising result), but instead have noticed an unpleasant feeling resulting from the several small electric shocks the machine uses to make your muscles contract in a situp-like manner. This seems a bit extreme to me...I like watching television as much as the next guy and I wouldn't mind having abs of steel, but electrical shock seems like an extreme way to avoid moving from the sofa.
I'm constantly amazed at how lazy people are. Recently, however, I've realized that there are two kinds of lazy people. The first is the group who acknowledges their laziness, stops exercising, and lies on the couch all day. The second group, and the ones who really get me, are the ones who think they can get in shape while lying on the couch all day. I can't blame them for coming up with this idea on their own.
I saw an infomercial the other day discussing how excercising would be so much better if you didn't really have to do anything. An interesting concept indeed, but can it work? I decided to research one of these miracle machines, the abtronic (my favorite because it requires the least amount of work by the user). The commercial claims that if you strap it on for 10 minutes your body will feel like it's done 600 situps (this of course begs the question why you really need to do 600 situps, but whatever). Upon first hearing this absurd claim, I thought, "I would be shocked if this works"...I got the shocked part right. According to several reports in the US and Canada, those who have tried this machine have not only failed to obtain a noticeable 6-pack like the people on the commercial (a surprising result), but instead have noticed an unpleasant feeling resulting from the several small electric shocks the machine uses to make your muscles contract in a situp-like manner. This seems a bit extreme to me...I like watching television as much as the next guy and I wouldn't mind having abs of steel, but electrical shock seems like an extreme way to avoid moving from the sofa.
04 November 2005
Boooooooooring
Who knew that surfing the internet could get boring? I've been a little bored recently and until now always thought I could keep myself occupied for 10-15 hours by sifting through the pages and pages of meaningless crap on the internet. Apparently, that only takes a couple hours. I'm sick of internet shopping. I don't want to read anymore news. I'm sick of watching the video of the two Asian boys impersonating the Backstreet Boys. I'm even tired of looking at who's viewed me on Friendster. So, now what? Thanks for nothing, Internet.
Who knew that surfing the internet could get boring? I've been a little bored recently and until now always thought I could keep myself occupied for 10-15 hours by sifting through the pages and pages of meaningless crap on the internet. Apparently, that only takes a couple hours. I'm sick of internet shopping. I don't want to read anymore news. I'm sick of watching the video of the two Asian boys impersonating the Backstreet Boys. I'm even tired of looking at who's viewed me on Friendster. So, now what? Thanks for nothing, Internet.
11 October 2005
Elevator Etiquette
A new company just moved into our office building and its employees apparently never learned how to use an elevator. I've decided to put together a list of tips to help them and my co-workers cope during this tough transition.
To the new people -
1) When you are waiting in the elevator lobby. Please don't push the button just before the doors to the elevator close. The doors will not close and everyone inside will be mad. Don't worry, there are several elevators and another one will be down shortly.
2) It is a misconception that 8 people can easily and comfortably fit into an elevator where 5 people are already standing. Again, it is important to remember that there are several elevators and another one will be down shortly.
3) When waiting for the elevator, don't push the button after someone else has just pushed the button. You, unfortunately, do not have the magic touch that will make the elevator come faster. In fact, your second push is more likely to piss off the elevator and make it come slower.
To the old people -
I only have one piece of advice for you:
When someone tries to get into an elevator when the doors are closing, I have found that a good tactic is to either pretend like you can't find the "door open" button by extending your index finger and looking frantically in the direction of the buttons or, in extreme situations, to actually push the "door close" button while pretending that you believe you are actually pushing the door open button (the latter will speed up the door closing process, so others won't even be able to manually catch the elevator with a hand or foot).
Good luck and happy riding!
A new company just moved into our office building and its employees apparently never learned how to use an elevator. I've decided to put together a list of tips to help them and my co-workers cope during this tough transition.
To the new people -
1) When you are waiting in the elevator lobby. Please don't push the button just before the doors to the elevator close. The doors will not close and everyone inside will be mad. Don't worry, there are several elevators and another one will be down shortly.
2) It is a misconception that 8 people can easily and comfortably fit into an elevator where 5 people are already standing. Again, it is important to remember that there are several elevators and another one will be down shortly.
3) When waiting for the elevator, don't push the button after someone else has just pushed the button. You, unfortunately, do not have the magic touch that will make the elevator come faster. In fact, your second push is more likely to piss off the elevator and make it come slower.
To the old people -
I only have one piece of advice for you:
When someone tries to get into an elevator when the doors are closing, I have found that a good tactic is to either pretend like you can't find the "door open" button by extending your index finger and looking frantically in the direction of the buttons or, in extreme situations, to actually push the "door close" button while pretending that you believe you are actually pushing the door open button (the latter will speed up the door closing process, so others won't even be able to manually catch the elevator with a hand or foot).
Good luck and happy riding!
06 October 2005
Missed Connections...Literally
A few posts back I wrote about Craiglists' Missed Connections. A couple of days ago, I realized why I could never write one. No one would ever respond. Here are some examples:
Example #1
Are you the blonde haired guy who was on the K train during rush hour Tuesday morning? I'd love to meet up in person so I could punch you in the face and explain through violence why you shouldn't have pushed that older lady off the train.
Example #2
Are you the brown haired man who was driving the fancy Mercedes down the Embarcadero yesterday afternoon. I thought it was real cool how you almost took out two pedestrians by ignoring the traffic light and turning while they had the right of way. It'd be totally awesome if we could meet at a coffee shop where I could get coffee after kicking you in the shins.
A few posts back I wrote about Craiglists' Missed Connections. A couple of days ago, I realized why I could never write one. No one would ever respond. Here are some examples:
Example #1
Are you the blonde haired guy who was on the K train during rush hour Tuesday morning? I'd love to meet up in person so I could punch you in the face and explain through violence why you shouldn't have pushed that older lady off the train.
Example #2
Are you the brown haired man who was driving the fancy Mercedes down the Embarcadero yesterday afternoon. I thought it was real cool how you almost took out two pedestrians by ignoring the traffic light and turning while they had the right of way. It'd be totally awesome if we could meet at a coffee shop where I could get coffee after kicking you in the shins.
01 October 2005
One-piece Wonder
I went to the drycleaners today to drop off a pair of pants. As I put the pants on the counter the owner said, "just your jumpsuit today." Startled by the thought of owning a jumpsuit, I muttered, "no, it's a pair of pants." I have never thought of myself as a person who looks like she owns/wears jumpsuits, but maybe I've always been wrong.
I went to the drycleaners today to drop off a pair of pants. As I put the pants on the counter the owner said, "just your jumpsuit today." Startled by the thought of owning a jumpsuit, I muttered, "no, it's a pair of pants." I have never thought of myself as a person who looks like she owns/wears jumpsuits, but maybe I've always been wrong.
27 September 2005
I'm Back
I've been away too long and I'm sure someone missed me...right? I took a break because I began to think that all of the crazy stuff that happens to me is just part of living in San Francisco, but now I think that as long as it keeps happening, I should keep writing about it.
Today, I was walking to work and I saw, on an elevated walkway near my office, Super Man. (OK, I'm thinking it was probably a crazy person dressed as Super Man, but he we there nonetheless.) He stood, hands on hips and everything, guarding the financial district of San Francisco. For a second I thought I was the only one who saw him, but when I asked the stranger next to me if he saw the guy on the walkway, he replied, "Who? Super Man? Yea, I see him." Then he walked away. I realized then that I never want to be the kind of person who fails to see the humor in crazy stuff, so I have to write about it. I also realized that I should stop talking to strangers.
Enjoy!
I've been away too long and I'm sure someone missed me...right? I took a break because I began to think that all of the crazy stuff that happens to me is just part of living in San Francisco, but now I think that as long as it keeps happening, I should keep writing about it.
Today, I was walking to work and I saw, on an elevated walkway near my office, Super Man. (OK, I'm thinking it was probably a crazy person dressed as Super Man, but he we there nonetheless.) He stood, hands on hips and everything, guarding the financial district of San Francisco. For a second I thought I was the only one who saw him, but when I asked the stranger next to me if he saw the guy on the walkway, he replied, "Who? Super Man? Yea, I see him." Then he walked away. I realized then that I never want to be the kind of person who fails to see the humor in crazy stuff, so I have to write about it. I also realized that I should stop talking to strangers.
Enjoy!
20 June 2005
Roy Horn Update
I hate to admit it, but CNN scooped me on this one:
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (AP) -- Illusionist Roy Horn has checked into a German rehabilitation facility, 18 months after a near-fatal tiger mauling during a performance left him partially paralyzed.
"Siegfried and I are thrilled to return to our home country and excited with the programs set forth by the great doctors and staff at the world-class Leonardis Clinic," Horn said in a statement Friday. "The support we have received from our fans in Germany has been overwhelming and continues to inspire me daily."
No details of the 60-year-old Horn's condition or treatment were released. The rehabilitation facility is in Bad Hellibrun.
Horn, of the famed duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by a 380-pound tiger named Montecore during a live show October 3, 2003, at The Mirage resort in Las Vegas. The 7-year-old tiger bit into the performer's neck and dragged him off the stage.
The illusionist sustained four deep wounds and had a stroke. The tiger's teeth damaged an artery that carries oxygen to the brain, and crushed Horn's trachea. Horn has said he fainted during the performance and the tiger was trying to help him. Animal experts have disputed that theory.
Doctors have said Horn was lucky to survive.
I hate to admit it, but CNN scooped me on this one:
LAS VEGAS, Nevada (AP) -- Illusionist Roy Horn has checked into a German rehabilitation facility, 18 months after a near-fatal tiger mauling during a performance left him partially paralyzed.
"Siegfried and I are thrilled to return to our home country and excited with the programs set forth by the great doctors and staff at the world-class Leonardis Clinic," Horn said in a statement Friday. "The support we have received from our fans in Germany has been overwhelming and continues to inspire me daily."
No details of the 60-year-old Horn's condition or treatment were released. The rehabilitation facility is in Bad Hellibrun.
Horn, of the famed duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by a 380-pound tiger named Montecore during a live show October 3, 2003, at The Mirage resort in Las Vegas. The 7-year-old tiger bit into the performer's neck and dragged him off the stage.
The illusionist sustained four deep wounds and had a stroke. The tiger's teeth damaged an artery that carries oxygen to the brain, and crushed Horn's trachea. Horn has said he fainted during the performance and the tiger was trying to help him. Animal experts have disputed that theory.
Doctors have said Horn was lucky to survive.
17 February 2005
Slick
Some days work can be hard, frustrating, or just plain boring. On those days you need more than the afternoon coffee break to keep you going. I've found that arts and crafts can often help pull you through. Recently, I used arts and crafts time to create Slick. Slick is a man made only from a chapstick container, a sharpie, and a spongey microphone cover. Some may claim that Slick is a cry for help...I wouldn't necessarily disagree.
This is Slick the man made of Chapstick.
Some days work can be hard, frustrating, or just plain boring. On those days you need more than the afternoon coffee break to keep you going. I've found that arts and crafts can often help pull you through. Recently, I used arts and crafts time to create Slick. Slick is a man made only from a chapstick container, a sharpie, and a spongey microphone cover. Some may claim that Slick is a cry for help...I wouldn't necessarily disagree.
This is Slick the man made of Chapstick.
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